Start Setting Boundaries with Wendy Shafranski

[00:00:00] Hello, my friend on today’s episode. I have a very special guest back on the podcast for the third time. It’s Wendy Shafranski. She’s a business unicorns coach, a co owner of Vero Strength and Conditioning down in Florida. And today we’re talking about boundary setting. We’re talking about how to set boundaries with yourself.

How to set boundaries with the people you work with and live with in your life and how setting boundaries is a form of self care and self respect. So if you want to do a better job of creating great boundaries with yourself and the people around you, this is a great short but very tactical episode for you.

So keep on listening.

Welcome to the business for unicorns podcast, where we help gym and studio owners create a business and a life they love. I’m your host, Michael Keeler. Join me and the business unicorns team each week for actionable advice, expert insights, and the inside scoop on what it really takes to level up your gym.

Get ready to unlock your potential and become [00:01:00] a real unicorn in the fitness industry.

Hello, fitness, business nerds. What’s up. Welcome to another episode of the business unicorns podcast. Before we jump into today’s topic, I just want to let you know that we have a bunch of really cool. Free tools on our website that you can go and grab at any time. Go grab some right now. In fact, many of you struggle to figure out how to make the next right offer in your marketing and sales.

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Click the link down the show notes, get it. It’s free. Start making better offers and converting more leads, which brings me to today’s podcast, which is a guest who’s been on the podcast. I think this is the third time or you love her. You’re excited to [00:02:00] have her back. I’m very excited to have her back.

It’s Wendy Schafransky from Vero Strength and Conditioning. Welcome back to the podcast, my friend. Hi, thank you. So good to have you, Wendy, since you’ve been on the podcast last, you joined the business of Unicorns team. So welcome to your first podcast as a business Unicorns coach. What a pleasure to have you back.

I’m excited for today’s topic. Can you maybe just say for those of you who are meeting you for the first time, a little about yourself, a little about Vero strength and conditioning. Yes. Yeah. Your strength and conditioning has been around. We’re celebrating 16 years this month. So long time. We do a large group training and personal training of a staff of about 10 trainers.

And yeah. And I think in joining for business, for business, for unicorns, it really allowed me to create systems and take more time off the floor and working in the business. And it’s just been a game changer. So joining the team has been awesome. Yeah. Oh my gosh. We’ve been so lucky to have you. What a frigging delight.

And I think you all will see what some of, uh, Wendy’s superpowers are today as we talk through today’s topic. [00:03:00] And so today’s topic came actually as a result of a past episode. It was, I think episode, uh, four 12 was I recorded with Ben and was talking about burnout. We’re talking about burnout for gym owners.

And Wendy literally sent me a Slack message afterwards being like, Hey, You all talked about boundary setting on this call, but I have more to say on this topic. Let’s talk about it. Yeah. When I was listening, I’m going, when are they, it’s a great advice, but I was like, when are they going to talk about boundaries when, and it was just kind of edging at the end.

Yes. I have a lot of experience with this. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. So I’ll tee this up like this, that I’ll just circle back to the topic of burnout for a second, because I think it’s important to this topic, which is it’s very common for small business owners and leaders of all kinds to experience burnout from time to time.

And there’s a lot of things to help overcome burnout. In fact, go back to that episode 412, Ben and I listed a bunch of things that we do in our experience to help overcome burnout and address it once it happens. But I think to Wendy’s point here, one of the things that Is maybe the most proactive thing you can do to help avoid, avoid burnout in the first place is have really clear [00:04:00] boundaries and the boundaries are really just, we could define them in a second, but it really, it’s about your ability to make it clear how you want people to treat you.

And that goes at all levels from clients to employees. Family members, neighbors, friends, right? There’s everyone in our life. We teach people how to treat us through our actions every day. And the more clear you can be about ways you want to be treated, that lift you up, right, that energize you and avoid being treated in ways that.

That sucks your energy out of you. And so that’s the topic today. We’ll just start this. When you, when did you first remember going back to your past leadership experience, when did you first start to realize that setting boundaries was an important thing for you to do? Yeah. A couple of years ago, I was.

stressed the F out. Like I was just, I think as gym owners, we were so used to serving people and that’s part of our identity. So you don’t say no a lot, or everyone has your phone number and they need you a lot and your employees, your members, your. [00:05:00] And so like me, if you hang your identity on that, like I get things done for people, it can be overwhelming.

And I was very stressed out. I think it showed in my body language and I decided to go to therapy. And my therapist, after the first few times of getting to know each other, he said, I think that you, Are codependent. I’m like, what? I’m a swan dependent woman. What do you mean? And, but he’s in the way he explained it is no, you need people to need you.

Like you get off on that. Yeah. And so I really had to look at myself and go, you know what? I think he’s right. So it just. It, it led to just learning, setting some boundaries, learning how to say no, and just really setting boundaries as a form of self respect. Yeah. You had to learn that. Yeah. I love putting it that way.

And I imagine a lot of people listening to the podcast will be like nodding their head along with what you just said, right? Because I think so many of them are in the same position because many, most people start gyms because they want to help other people. And that’s what drives us, gets us out of bed every [00:06:00] morning, excites us about our jobs, and that can become a codependent situation where we really need the validation of being able to help people to feel good about ourselves.

So I love thinking about it as a form of self respect. All right. So thinking through, what are some of the most important boundaries you’ve set that have been helpful in maintaining your career so far? Okay. Yeah. I think there’s two ways to think about boundaries. One is setting them with others. And that could be letting people know that you’re working certain hours and you’re not going to answer the phone at other hours or establishing a gym phone number that they text and not giving them your personal number.

But then there’s also setting boundaries with yourself. Sure. I get up really early in the morning and that’s like my go time and I create and write and it can be in the morning. And so I would finish. My to do list and then I’d be looking for more things to do and I’d have to really set boundaries with myself saying, Hey, you’ve already worked 10 hours.

If you leave this till tomorrow, it’s going to be okay. And so it’s a lot of [00:07:00] rationalizing that within yourself as well. Yeah, I think there’s a really good distinctions, right? There’s boundaries that you can set with yourself. And I’m going to pull that string a little bit more and then we’ll circle back to the one I think that people, uh, find more top of mind on this topic, which is setting boundaries with others, but let’s start with yourself.

So let me just walk through an example of a boundary that you’ve set with yourself and how do you do it? I think all the time, you and I both as coaches, we talk to people almost every day who have really good intentions for things they’re going to do, things they say they’re going to do, things even write down that they’re going to do, and then they don’t.

I imagine setting boundaries with yourself can be the same thing, which is you’re really clear about this is this thing you want to do or you don’t want to do, and then you just steamroll over that desire on a regular basis. So how do you make it stick for yourself? One is just. Like I, I mentioned before, just, just rationalizing that it’s never for me a matter of not getting things done.

It’s doing too much. Yup. And so I have to really level with myself and say like, all right, you’ve gotten enough done. You don’t need to make more work for yourself. [00:08:00] Um, creating a to do list that’s maybe prioritized and when you have those real top priorities done. It’s okay to, or taking a lunch break, things like that, just to refresh.

I put my phone on do not disturb at 6 PM. Everyone knows they’re not going to hear from me after 6 PM and there’s never any sort of emergency that. That, um, worked out in the wrong way. And then also I think first, sometimes there’s power in the word no, and you can do it delicately where you’re not just shutting someone down and if you’re not comfortable with that yet, or maybe you’re not sure, I think the phrase, let me think about it is.

It’s great because so many times in my past, especially when it came to like volunteer work and things like that, I would just say yes, because it sounds like a great idea. And then once it rolled around, I’m like, Oh God, I got to do this. So it’s saying, let me think about it, weighing the pros and cons, how it’s going to affect you or not affect you.

And then getting back to the [00:09:00] person in a timely manner, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Hey there, Business Fenicorns podcast listeners. I’m your host. I’m just making absolutely sure you have already gotten your free, instantly downloadable copy of my new book, The Little Book of Jim Marketing Secrets. You can find a link to download it in the show notes, or you can go to jimmarketingsecretsbook.

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com. And now back to the podcast. Yeah, I think there’s so much about that. I love I think one thing I’ll add to the conversation Which is even when it comes to boundaries that are you’re setting for yourself, right? I’m gonna turn my phone off at this time I’m gonna take a lunch break. I’m gonna work out.

I’m going to whatever the boundaries. Are you set with yourself? even though they’re for you one of the things that I found for myself and I’ve seen time and time again with with Unicorn Society clients and [00:10:00] others is it’s still useful to tell other people about those boundaries that you have for yourself, not only to communicate when and how you want to take up space, but also to hold yourself accountable, right?

I think if you tell your whole team and some of your clients that, Hey, I go, my phone’s off after six o’clock. Then not only does that let them all know they can’t, you can’t be reached, but it holds you accountable to doing it, right? Once you’ve said it, you’re just more likely to want to be consistent with that word you’ve put out there.

And the same thing is true for taking a lunch break. It’s one thing to put on your calendar. It’s another thing to tell your whole team. Hey from 12 to 1, I leave the building and i’m going to take some lunch because I need some time to Be by myself for an hour every day. I say, I do think getting buy in from them, communicating it to them helps hold you accountable and it makes the habit stickier when you feel like you’re on the hook with other people.

And it gets more comfortable. Everybody knows it’s just a thing. Exactly. Cause I think the number one, and tell me if you agree with this or you’ve heard something different, but I think when I hear unicorn signing members, gym owners talk about this, [00:11:00] one of the reasons they don’t set more boundaries that are healthy for themselves is they feel guilty.

They feel guilty for being away from the gym at all, ever. They feel guilty for taking that lunch break or that 30 minutes to work out. They feel guilty for not being available all the time, always. And so that, the one way to interact with that guilt is to just say it out loud to people. And you’ll realize very early, like, they’re fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it’s self care if it really comes down to it. And then if you are caring for yourself, you’re only going to do your job. better boss, be a better partner, whatever. Yeah. 100 percent when your cup is full and you can really operate from a place of being fully present with people and not burnt out or distracted, then you’re going to be better all around for everyone.

So they will all benefit from you having had those boundaries in the first place. Yeah. That’s so great. So let’s talk a little bit more about boundaries with other people, right? Cause oftentimes boundaries with other people. Can involve a bit of a negotiation or even it’s not feel like a negotiate It’s a little bit of a [00:12:00] give and take a little bit of a dance with some relationships So just you talk a little bit more about the kinds of boundaries the times you said no to other people not just yourself Yeah, yeah saying no.

I mean what comes next? Top of mind is being involved with volunteer work because I would become on a board and then all of a sudden I’m the head of the board and then I’m, you know, sharing an event because if you are a doer, you just naturally get sucked into those roles. So that’s, that’s an example at work.

It’s sometimes I have a VA. And he handles admin stuff, but some people want to text you. So it’s a matter of, Hey, you’re going to get a much better result quicker. If you email Pedro, here’s his email address. Or in my other company that I have, the supplement company, our media guy likes to text me like rapid fire texts.

I do better with email. I can organize my. my life better that way, keep it in my inbox. And I said, you know what? I don’t want, I don’t want to miss out anything. So from now on, I’d like you to email me. And then that way, I think seeing unread texts stresses me out. So, [00:13:00] yeah, so it’s just, I, this is the way I like to work.

This is what’s going to be. The best outcome from everyone. So you’re not like, it’s my way or the highway. It’s like, this is going to work best for everyone. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. So a lot of those, and there’s a theme here with the example so far, a lot of those are just how you want to be communicated with. And I think that’s important because it really feeds into how you spend your time.

It feeds into how you process information. It feeds into how you get your work done. And so I think that’s a real important kind of. Set of boundaries for a lot of folks, what do you do if you think of an example of a time where someone was like. No, Wendy, I can’t do it that way for you. Like, how do you navigate when someone maybe is not willing to meet you where you’re at?

Yeah. I think they might not have said, come out and said, I wouldn’t say no to you either. Maybe they keep, they keep texting you with their issues at that. point you can, you can explain to them your need to, to get away from the situation and also say, Hey, I [00:14:00] want to give you my full attention. Let’s start scheduling monthly check ins with each other.

And it’s something that they’re being charged for. And it’s not like you’re just giving free advice and you’re a therapist and you’re somebody’s everything. There’s been those situations. Yeah, I think that’s it. I think because at the end of the day, when we talk about boundaries, when, and from terms of communication, it’s often about creating a, an agreed upon structure, right?

This is the way we’re going to do X. This is the pulse at which we’re going to meet. This is the format we’re going to send information to each other. And so I think when someone’s like, no, that doesn’t really work for me because I’m really a texter. Okay. If we’re going to text, can we at least say it’s one text a week that’s update on Friday morning?

Can we at least say that you’ll, you can text me, but I also need a week. Weekly wrap up in my inbox, right? There’s some times where you have to do a little dance with folks to find what works for both of you. But it’s so worth that effort. It’s so worth that effort. Cause when you can find the right pulse for both of you, then both of you less stressed, get the work done faster with less friction.

I think that it’s such a, so valuable at this point [00:15:00] now you’ve been, you’ve been coaching gym owners for a while and you’ve had lots of conversations with gym owners. What do you see as some of the most common boundaries they need to set? In their life or in their work. I think a lot of times their employees become their friends.

So in, in that regard, there’s a lack of boundaries and sometimes they’re afraid to delegate. And I think a big part of in the workplace of setting boundaries is to learn to delegate and trust. And have SOPs and all these things that we always reach. 100%. Yeah. I agree with that one so much that listen, I’ll be the first in this podcast to say, I think it’s okay to be friends with the people you work with, but it can’t come at the expense of being effective at your job.

If your friendship and your care for people is getting in the way of you doing simple things, like giving them feedback, or delegating things to them, or those kinds of things, then that’s not really a, a, effective friendship at all, right? I don’t, I don’t have friends that I can’t tell them when they do something I don’t like.

I don’t have, uh, I don’t [00:16:00] have, uh, employees who I can’t ask to do work. So if your friendship is getting in the way that the boundaries there are a little, are a little too fuzzy, I think that’s a really good one. What else have you seen? Just, I think being everything to everyone when it comes to, to, especially to members and not wanting to disappoint.

Yep. Yeah, that’s it. Just being that. I think I’ll say this with all love of my heart. Cause I feel like I’ve been in this position as well. It starts to have a little bit of a savior complex. We get really so. Connected to this idea that we’re helping everyone. We’re here to support everyone. We’re everything to everyone, as you said, and we really get filled up by that.

So doing less of it or setting boundaries for it can feel like we’re letting ourselves and other people down when the reality is, and you’ve made this point so many times already on the, in this conversation is that no, no, when you have that time and space for yourself and you’re treated the way you want to be treated by others, you’re more available for them.

You’re more effective in helping them. And I think that reframe is what a lot of people need. So let me ask you this [00:17:00] last question, I think, which is for folks who are listening, yes, I need all of this. I need more boundaries in all areas of my life with myself, with my team, with my clients. Where do they start?

What’s like a first step? I think just take an audit of the things that maybe are stressing or burning you out and identify what you’re comfortable with and what your limits are. And then from there, just get clear about your limits. And then communicate them and then is it going to be perfect? No, people need reminders.

Things tend to slack off a little bit, but just stick to it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s a great one. Just do a little audit of how you spend your time. What’s rubbing you the wrong way? What do you really like? When do you find yourself being most effective and then make that list of like, Hey, what do you need from yourself and other people to live in that space where you can do your best work and feel your best on a regular basis?

And then start asking. Start asking for those things. I think that’s fantastic. I think that’s a great roadmap and friends. If you want more help with this, just come join unicorn society. Wendy can be your coach. [00:18:00] She can help you with this on a regular basis. That’s amazing. Thanks for this great conversation, Wendy.

I think this is a great one, short, but practical and I think super effective. If people want to learn more about you or any of the businesses that you run, how do they find you? My website for my gym is Vero, V E R O strength. com. And then I have a supplement company as well called Cirrus, C E R U S performance.

I love it. Yeah. Go check it out, my friends. And don’t forget, we also have a lot of free tools on our website, businessofunicorns. com, click the link down below in the bio, especially if you want to get that PDF of our best converting offers so you can get more leads and convert them. Thanks again, Wendy. I really appreciate you.

We’ll see you on the next one. All right. [00:19:00] Bye.